- kakinoshita
a rewiring
The privilege of contemplating privilege
The privilege of education
The oppression of education
The privilege of oppression
The privilege to never need to question our backgrounds
to make friends based on who knows who knows who
of knowing how to get ahead in the world
of thinking we know what it means to get ahead in the world
The privilege of not knowing
The privilege of a 32-year old friendship
hot showers and dinners
attending my grandmother's funeral
The privilege of never having known her
The privilege to press palms together
The privilege to attend famous institutions, banquets, receptions
The privilege to live in a house that is a palace with no rooms where we cannot hear one another scream in the night in our nightmares collapsing with loneliness
The privilege of parents who don't care
The privilege of parents who can bail you out
The privilege of parents who make hot broth and bread and build fires
The privilege of desks and documents and libraries
The privilege of kneeling
The privilege of feeling
The privilege of being your friend
The privilege of listening to your heart beat as the sun rises over the quiet city cacophony of souls dying to be loved and I tell them
they are Loved
Magnified 700,000 times under the eclipse
They hear in the recesses of their entrails abducted by Ahriman electricity pounding in blocked arteries clogged behind their eyes pulsating and uncomfortable residue of the Past they prefer to save for a rainy day
And the rain falls as the sun rises
Washing our cauldron of phlegm from the pavements
Re-in-car-nation
Through snails and rats and sewers and pipes to the ocean to seaweed to plastic
Our plastic experience, elastic, ecstatic
Our cycle of unconscious alchemy, the unending cycle of phlegm
This collective disjointed malfunctioning
of nightly psychedelic reckoning
Making us feel unsafe in our space
But reminding us of a more ultimate place
How are your feet? Are they gripping? he said
Thank you for asking, I said, or thought.
Gripping because I think I am wrong
but I'm wrong that I'm wrong
I'm right
Am I right?
And what's a samosa
Is it related to Formosa
And where is Samoa
Swoop swoop of mimosa
The privilege to question
The privilege of paralysis
Paralysis by joy. Paralysis by grief.
Hair matted to flesh
Mine or beast's
edges of flesh
Mine and beast's
Not knowing, but Knowing, you know.
Edges of light
Edges of air
You need me more than I need you until
You don't and then I need you most
I need you
Knead you
I didn't need you to complete me
But I needed you to remind me
The privilege of languagelessness
The privilege of dislocation
The oppression of connection
The demolition of disconnection
Grappling with language for the void beyond
Language
Grappling to stillness
Mind grappling with mind
Mind grappling with entrails
Entrails grappling with beliefs
Body grappling with the trueness of the beliefs
Grappling for release
It Is curious how far this cave can travel
Through time and land and ocean into this room
In a different darkness
Showing us pain as pain
the endless stream running in our veins
through umbilical cords knotted with strings
threading us back to the original womb
breathing with lichen and wings
You are too grotesque for this world
You are too beautiful here
Under this tree crouched with a stick
You are too beautiful to be walking with all this grief
In side like stars
Like we all do
You deserve it
As much as we all don't
We threw tables out of windows
We started a new story
No more repetitions
The dawn the birds the rain
Each moment, dying.