I first started writing this in October 2019, aware of the role that ‘preventative injections’ (from hereon referred to as V due to heavy censorship) would have to play in the evolution of humanity. At the time it did not feel relevant or pressing enough to share my perspective on a topic considered so controversial. However now that mass global roll-out of a V claimed to be ‘highly effective’ is going unquestioned, and actively being encouraged by mainstream media, I recognise a responsibility on my part to share the perspective my experiences have afforded me.
A pandemic has manifested, and the widespread response has been of extreme fear and judgementalism, paving the inevitable way for a V to become hailed as the ‘saviour’ from our current paralysis.
The topic is extremely challenging to discuss, and I am aware that my questioning may appear radical for someone who is educated, but the fact that it creates such strong emotion and division is the very reason there is an existential symbolism in addressing it as a collective. And we need to address it now, while we still remember the old world and what relative freedom meant to our bodies.
The widely held assumption is that anyone who is rational, reasonable and educated ought to be outraged by the idea of anyone who questions V. Any discussion or alternative perspective on the topic tends to be instantly closed off. I have attempted conversation with otherwise open-minded individuals in the past, and felt the metaphysical equivalent of being strangled. It would be wise to investigate why it is that so many can have such an aggressive and binary reaction when challenged on their views regarding this topic.
If anyone reading this feels triggered, upset, or outraged by my questioning, I would encourage you to ask yourself why this is, especially if you consider yourself open-minded. Is it because you truly have the interests of the collective at heart? I understand, because I felt this way for a long time too. If there is a way of preventing the spread of a life-threatening disease, it seems unfathomably selfish of anyone to refuse it. Why would anyone reject it?
But this is a very potent question. Why DO some people reject it? Who are these people and what do they represent? And why do others have such unwavering, unquestioning trust in V? Why is it that we are so strongly discouraged from questioning it, or discussing its potential consequences? We have a responsibility as sentient, intelligent human agents to question such a pervasive dynamic.
It is a phenomenon we see with almost every ‘movement’ and can be observed not just in the more obvious political and religious arenas, but also in feminism, organic farming, veganism, and countless others. In the context of mass activism, the values these movements uphold become warped beyond the ‘balance’ I believe they are, at heart, attempting to attain.
When a particular value is held up above all else, at the expense of other values and persons, we create victims and enemies, the oppressed and the oppressors, the virtuous and the evil. When we separate ourselves into camps and label one as ‘us’ and the other as ‘them’, we create not just duality, but war. War blinds us to the humanity of the other side. When we stand for a cause, we too often dismiss any element of validity in the alternative.
Part of the reason this particular topic has always been so controversial is because, by default, the choice to V or not implicates the health not just of the individual, nor of just one’s family, but of the whole community — which now is global. Pro-V campaigns use tactics to augment the guilt of not accepting V: imagine having to explain to your daughter that her grandfather has passed away because he caught the flu from her. Of course, there is no good or simple way of dismissing the tragedy of preventable death. With the ongoing crisis, this dynamic has been made visible manifold over. We are all now aware of our interconnectedness, but bereft of the language to navigate the middle ground, the no-man’s land of questions with no answers — the Unknown we are so terrified to confront in the West.
So where does the threshold for ‘preventable’ death lie? At what point do we decide it is not worth taking the risks that make us feel alive? Especially when the perceived ‘risks’ are now as tame as giving a hug or going to the supermarket. Is it more important to protect granddad from a virus and keep him ‘alive’ and alone in a box — or can we accept the possibility that tragedy and death are vital lessons and a part of life? We need to question why we are so afraid of getting sick, and why we are so afraid of death. Attempting to avoid suffering and avoid death at the cost of actually living is simply escapist. What is it that makes life worth having, for you?
I have been through my fair share of illness and suffering — granted, not life-threatening, but life-debilitating. But my suffering has ultimately been my greatest teacher. It has brought me into deeper connection with life, myself, and others. My path of navigating disease has been turbulent and dark — and replete with grace and joy. I would not feel this deep gratitude for Life, nor be in intimate dialogue with my intuition, if not for my sufferings. Now this virus affects everyone differently, and every individual will have a unique experience of it. We have our unique journeys, and unique karma to serve. I do not wish sickness upon anyone, yet sickness is often the trigger for awakening, an opportunity to ask ourselves questions about mortality and the meaning of life. To me, getting sick isn’t the worst thing. Even dying isn’t the worst thing. The worst thing is not living while we are alive. We are only afraid to die if we are afraid we have not lived enough.
There is a particular personal reason that I have developed mistrust of V — not that they are all made equal of course, and I believe some are relatively harmless compared to others. While I incurred no obvious effects from V as a child, a series of jabs that I had before I went to India in 2014 affected me to the extent that I ended up cancelling the trip. Like most people, at the time I had no reason to question them, and received three different V in the space of a week, having been told to do so by the hospital. I don’t know specifically whether it was the heavy metals, the sheer overload of chemicals, or something in particular that my immune system reacted against, but my skin, kidneys and adrenals flared up so badly that for the best part of a year I felt incapacitated. People literally would not recognise me, or do a double-take, asking what was wrong, thinking I was suffering from an eating disorder or cancer. While this flare-up was so serious due to a number of factors, I am equally certain that the V were in large part responsible for setting it off — my skin flared up almost instantly, the very day I received the first — an autoimmune reaction, attempting to fight against the alien substances injected into my bloodstream. My skin, kidneys and liver spent the good part of a year to clear them from my body. This was when I was in peak physical health, eating well and doing yoga every day, aged 23.
When I consider what these common V could do to my healthy adult body, it is disturbing to consider what they could do to an infant. I understand that my body is highly reactive, and gives me these “signals” rapidly, literally on the surface of my skin — this is why eczema sufferers tend not to develop cancer, because our skin processes toxins before they have the chance to physically build into a tumour. This is relevant because it isn’t just that my body is “more sensitive” than other bodies — other bodies are equally affected by these substances, of course to varying degrees depending on underlying terrain health. But just because you don’t have an immediate reaction doesn’t mean that it’s not affecting your body in less tangible, more invisible ways. What would it mean for the collective if we were to ALL receive a V that affected our bodies in ways that we could not immediately or obviously perceive? This is a very real possibility we are suddenly confronting now.
As a result of my experiences in 2014, I went on to do a lot of reading about how V have impacted whole generations in pervasive ways that might not be immediately obvious from an allopathic perspective. (For those interested and want to know more, please message me and I will be happy to provide further information.)
The human body is a unified system — we cannot ‘fix’ or alter one part of the body without another part also being affected. This is a fundamental wisdom underlying all ancient medicine teachings, all holistic health, all traditional systems of philosophy. There is simply no denying this, yet Western medicine attempts to.
I am not a scientist and the point of this writing is not to explain how V affect us physiologically, but from my navigation of illness and somatic therapy, I do have experiential understanding of how the human body works, and how all aspects of our being are inter-related. Naturally, V affects the immune system; this is how they are effective. If the immune system reacts negatively to a substance, it can turn into an autoimmune reaction — in which the body attacks itself. When the immune system is in a confused state like this, naturally it in turn affects the functionality of other systems in the body. When the body is fighting itself, it can put us in prolonged states of survival mode (involving the nervous and endocrine systems) causing hyper-sensitivity and hyper-activity — or, on the other extreme, chronic fatigue, eventually causing us to feel overloaded, de-sensitizing and numbing from sensation and life all together. Survival mode also affects our ability to effectively digest and assimilate nutrients, causing ‘leaky gut’ and creating a terrain that perpetuates the cycle of ill health. Behavioural and psychological ‘illnesses’ like ADHD, autism, and even some forms of depression and anxiety can be attributed, at least in part, to V. Just because the conditions that V can cause may not be as ‘deadly’ as measles or influenza or cervical cancer, they are nevertheless chronic, possibly just as irreversible, and drastically lower quality of life. While I have learned a great deal and am grateful for the path I have been able to take as a result of my illnesses set off by V, I have only found balance now because I had a relatively healthy terrain in the first place — this isn’t necessarily the case for many others. Weakening our terrain one generation after the other, in increasing numbers of cases at the expense of our capacity to engage with the world around us, cannot be the ‘solution’ to our global imbalance.
Through healing my eczema and allergies, learning to find a ‘centre’ amid my anxiety, depression and insomnia through dietary and lifestyle shifts, I have learned to recognise the inter-relation of all these symptoms — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. These factors are deeply inter-connected, and the dance between them is subtle. There is no simple cure or one-size-fits-all solution to a chronic condition like this, and it is harrowing to think of how many Western doctors told me point blank that I will never get better — as opposed to Chinese medicine and holistic healers who were able to see me as an organism in my full complexity and offer treatments and techniques that I could apply to heal myself. It is not an easy journey, and infinitely nuanced.
I have a feeling this is the journey that humanity is being asked to undertake now.
I often hear folk of the older generations ask why there are so many more children these days with allergies, asthma and behavioural problems than ever before. The truth is that they are due to the effects that industrial and post-war lifestyle assumptions have had in a collective way, but this is very difficult to acknowledge or confront because they have become a way of life, the familiar. Of course the emergence of these chronic health phenomena is not *only* down to V, but also pollutants in the air and water, malnourishment, misnourishment, lack of physical exercise and time outdoors, various forms of addiction, and an absence of spiritual connection. These factors all emerged from and are manifest of a separation between the individual and collective organisms.
Information around these effects of V is not shared in mass media, especially not by government bodies, since it would be seen as irresponsible to call into question the validity of V, which ensure “herd immunity”. Of course governing bodies have the duty to minimise the possibility of a major disease outbreak, especially when ways of mass-administering chemical formulae that can prevent them, have been discovered. But at what cost? The current V in question is claimed to be effective in preventing a virus that was only identified this year (2020). It astonishes me that we would not only allow but, at this point in the lockdown game, apparently beg for something like this to be injected into our bodies. This is how desperate the arbitrary rules and regulations that claim to control the spread of the virus have made us.
V usually take years and years to trial for safety and side effects, and even then, as I have described, they don’t take into consideration less obviously correlated conditions. There are countless examples through history of long-term side effects of medicines with tragic consequences (Thalidomide as an obvious one). There is ample information suggesting that this particular V in creation has far more serious implications than previous ones as it intends to introduce mRNA (non-human DNA) the size of nano-particles that irreversibly bind with our DNA. I could go into further detail but ultimately this in not the point of my writing here, and would only contribute to the battleground dynamic by using information as ammunition against other information. I do not wish to engage in evidence-based warfare. I have been down this route before, and found that it only closes down discussion, which is the opposite of my intention. My intention is to help people become aware and receptive to an alternative idea of health, immunity, and responsibility. I cannot help but sense there is something at play that we are being asked to be awake to, rather than fall into simplistic solution-finding in our desperation for a return to ‘normality’.
This sense that I have is not necessarily logic-based: it is an instinct, which is something I have learned to become more attuned to in the last six years of my healing. Our intuition carries great wisdom, and it lives in the literal centre of our bodies (the hara or lower dantian). Ideally, it works in healthy partnership with intellect — an activity that takes place in the head. However, our education system does not teach us how to engage with intuition and we have ended up dulling it through over-appeal to intellect and academia at the expense of sensory experience. This creates an imbalance and binary thinking. Especially now with the overload of information in every arena of our lives, we need to be able to discern what carries a message of truth, and where the nuances of that truth may have been over-simplified or distorted.
How *do* we determine what sources are reliable and what aren’t? It isn’t purely intellect; we would only go around in circles playing mind games if this was all we relied upon to know what we trusted. Our intuition is a more primal aspect of our humanity, the aspect that simply Knows, regardless of what information ammunition is hurled at us. It is one of our senses just like sight and touch. And just like our other senses, intuition can be fine-tuned, amplified, and harnessed through awareness — but it can also be numbed. We know how one over-powering smell can dull our sensitivity to subtler scents, or a bright light can dull our sensitivity in the darkness. Intuition is always there, but over time, through repeated exposure to an overload of stimulus, it can become dulled. Today, we are assaulted with so much information that it is exhausting to decide whether or not to trust a particular source or person. It is easier to be complicit, to follow rules, to do as told. The volume of signage in the UK at the moment is baffling, telling us where to stand, where not to stand, where to look, what to sanitize. We have been deferring our intuition (and sovereignty) to other bodies for years, and now more than ever — governments, media, institutions — letting them decide what is right and wrong on our behalf. This has resulted in our senses dulling to the point where we don’t actually feel what we are experiencing.
It does not escape me either that a lot of the work in developing this V has taken place in Oxford, and the media is making sure this appears in headlines. As a graduate of Oxford myself, I know the power this word carries. Worldwide there is an implicit pedestaling: “if they are from Oxford, they must be trustworthy”. Why do we attribute qualities of trust to someone just because they are at a particular academic institution? What about the incredible volume of disagreements that occur within the academic world — who decides who ‘wins’ an argument? Something in our culture — globally — has led us to believe that certain institutions have access to an ultimate ‘solution’, to the extent that we are willing to entrust them with matters of mass public ‘health’. Just because they understand the complexities of lab-based trials (and I don’t mean to undermine such work) doesn’t mean the V they have developed are “safe”. At what point in the process of developing a V and making it publicly available does it pass through a lens of holistic health?
And what do we mean by ‘safe’? In the fear-based narrative and measures that are being allowed to pervade as a result of this pandemic, we are being encouraged to do whatever it takes to be “safe”. How many layers of bubble wrap, how much disinfectant, how many more rules and regulations will it take for us to feel ‘safe’? I am told: “We are asking you to use hand sanitizier for your own safety” — which makes no sense because my palms carry a miracle of microbiome that ARE my immune system. The balance of microbiome in our digestive systems and on our skin is extremely delicate, and antibiotics and sanitizer deeply compromise (murder) these natural ecosystems — the ones that are doing the *actual* protecting.
I know that I feel deeply, intuitively unsafe when I consider the idea of having a hastily invented substance injected into my body, or the body of anyone for that matter, in order to curb the spread of a virus that was only identified this year. But this is all just about material, physical ‘safety’, and doesn’t take into account the actual experience of feeling safe.
I do not feel safe in shops or on trains these days, not because I am afraid of catching a virus, but because there is a distinct lack of humanity. Humans make me feel safe, when I can see their faces and smiles and the stories in their beings. I trust humans. But where are they? They’re all hidden behind masks, not looking at one another, heads shoved down their phones. We cover everything in plastic, disinfect so as to wipe out all trace of Life, and are told not to have physical human contact. This is how actual immunity dies. Natural immunity comes from interaction, from sharing. “Herd immunity” through V is only a pretend immunity. It may curb the spread of the virus it was designed to, but it does not actually mean we are healthy. Of course, the way that we live now — in densely populated cities, travelling internationally, and not paying regard to our actual health — means that we can’t realistically rely on methods ‘of antiquity’ to build immunity.
Having lived in Taipei and Tokyo, I understand the need for certain preventative measures in urban areas. People have worn masks in Tokyo for decades, as a matter of course. This is on one hand the responsible thing to do as a citizen of a major metropolis. But ultimately this was why I had to leave, as well — the lack of human contact, the over-sanitization. I felt de-humanized. Humans are highly adaptable, but that includes adapting our behaviours to comply with newly fangled codes of ‘responsibility’. It doesn’t take long for us to collectively ‘get used to’ all these measures that ultimately stop us from seeing one another as complex miraculous mysteries, and instead as potential virus-carriers. When we start seeing other people as potential threats, and we are surrounded by them, we become disconnected from one another. We then start operating from a place of fear. We stop being able to trust those around us. And it really doesn’t take long at all for that distrust to refract back into oneself — when we don’t trust other humans, we stop trusting ourselves, because, as we really ought to know by now, we are all connected.
Just because we can understand the practical necessities of V due to the extreme ways in which we now live (and which we now consider to be ‘normal’) doesn’t mean we can’t question the wider repercussions of V, and our over-reliance on synthetic medication to keep the world grinding at an unsustainable pace. It doesn’t mean we can’t challenge our definitions of health and safety, and the integrity behind the narratives generating fear and disharmony in our communities.
I wish we could take a collective step back and try to see our situation objectively, even from the vantage point of just one year ago: we are following relatively arbitrary rules set by a system of government the vast majority of us no longer trust. These rules are preventing us from seeing friends and family, actively encouraging pervasion of loneliness and depression, which lowers immunity and of course overall health. Many people are judging those who question the rules, and we are being brought to the point of collectively begging for a miracle ‘solution’ to the dilemma — from that very same government imposing the arbitrary rules. What would the aliens think of us? Are we insane?
There is no simple answer, and perhaps that is the point. I do not claim to have a solution. The whole global situation we are in now — virus or otherwise — has been created by millennia’s worth of attempts to find solutions to problems that don’t exist. In that attempt, we simply create more problems. It leads me to wonder what would happen if we stopped searching for ‘solutions’? What if we stopped resisting the truth of our current sensory experience, and embraced it in its fullness, without judgement, without trying to make it ‘better’? The notion of accepting what our senses are telling us without judgement may seem terrifying to our Western culture so obsessed with problem-solving (and problem-finding). But I think the medicine in this situation lies somewhere in releasing that resistance.
Yes, we may have made a mighty mess in our attempt to find a solution. And now we have a choice — do we want to continue our cycles of avoidance and resistance, wanting to find quick-fire alleviations to uncomfortable situations, refusing to confront our mortality, and perpetuating the build-up of unhealed material for future generations to heal? Humanity will *eventually* heal whatever course we take, but we have a responsibility, NOW, to ourselves and our children, to listen to what our senses — our intuition — are telling us. What makes life worth having, for you?
I pray that we may remember the wisdom and compassion innate to us as humans to turn this crisis into an opportunity to encourage a new (and ancient) form of interaction, between one another, and within ourselves. May we perceive others as mirrors of our selves, and use every external interaction as an opportunity to question our own internal values. No matter how enraged we are by another’s views or behaviours — in fact, especially if that is the case — there is always an equal part of ourselves that needs some compassion. When we embody forgiveness of others, we embody forgiveness of ourselves. Forgiveness makes the space in us to be clear about what is actually important. At the core, what’s important probably isn’t your opinions or judgements. What’s actually important may not even have a name.
From that place of clarity, we no longer have to live in fear. We no longer have to be victim of external narratives, theories, or arguments. We can release the idea that others are bad and we are good.
From that place of understanding, we can release the need to understand.
From not-knowing arises a Knowing, a Knowing that pulses in the depths of our being.